Catch up

Quite a bit has happened in the past few days, so today Im trying to catch up and not very sucessfully at the moment.  I went to have my bloods done this morning then I went to a local shopping area as I had to collect a prescription, mind you I did stop off via Next and M & S hehe.  Wednesday, I went to see my Cardiologist in London, cos he had asked to have a chat.  The chat went well, he is such a lovely man, I could listen to his voice all day lol, and I have to say I quite like looking at him too!   I am  definitely having a defibrillator and a biventricular pacemaker fitted in 4-6 weeks time if not sooner, and he gave me a prescription for quite a strong anti arrythmic drug, which I am not looking forward to taking, so I will just add it to my pile.  The main side effect is it doesnt like the sun, and I like the sun,  and at every opportunity I can I go into the garden cos I so hate being cooped up.  Anyway at the end of the day its all being done for a good reason, not sure whether to start taking them tonight or on Monday cos Monday is the day of something else as well.  Im having a self imposed ban on spending, money that I dont have is beginning to slip through my fingers and I really need to get a grip.  Its scarey how much we spend even when we think we dont.  Every trip to London costs me about £70 for the trip in total for the appointment and seeing that I am going very regularly its getting a lot to pay out.  All the household bills seem to have been increased too and they really have to be kept down.  Although hubby has still got a job the hours are less and obviously that makes a huge difference in money, I really need to go back out to work but obviously I cant.  My makeup business has fallen a bit by the wayside too because I havent been able to commit to doing the work so far in advance and for brides thats a big deal.  Im thinking of going back to doing nails but I really cant consider this either until I have had the icd/bivent fitted as I will be out of action for about 6 weeks I think.  Believe it or not I have had an order for my cards which I really do as a hobby, it would be nice to add those in too if I could.  Its just a question of trying to replace the money we are losing so I will defnitely be back to ebaying.  I just have got so lazy with it cos I hate doing all the photographing and describing, but its gonna have to be done whether I like it or not.  Im also working my way through my clothes to see if I can actually work them better and today I came out of my comfort zone ..... I wore a skirt, with leggings hehehe.  I honestly never wear skirts I dont like them on me.  I felt weird in it, but I wore it outside the house lololololol.  One thing about going to London is that I like to see how people dress, it gives you ideas on what to wear with what.  Ijust so love people watching.  There was a young girl on the train and she looked aboslutely fab, yet she was totally uncoordinated, and just the style I like.  It was a tweed jacket with a patterned skirt and a scarf with beautiful flowers on .... it was a right hotch potch but looked oh so lovely, mind you I think it helped being in her 20s and very attractive too hehehe.  The train was also full of people going to Royal Ascot and omg what some sights.  There was one particular woman in a mini skirt and I mean mini, and she was not exactly young ..... say no more ...... it probably was expensive what she had on but it looked awful with the high heels and  mini dress.  Mind you Im not really being very nice cos you should be able to wear what you want if it makes you happy and Im sure she was happy with how she looked. So really at the end of the day I wonder who it is that has the problem?  Do we really have to conform to what people expect of us?  Why cant we wear what we like? Also why do clothes really matter at all when there are so many more important things going on in the world!   Im always moaning about how Ive put on weight round my midriff and every time I look at myself in a mirror I think omg my clothes look awful, but my son said to me ffs mum what does it matter, at least you are alive and able to moanabout it lol.  It is very true, to be honest because many years ago people with the same or similar heart conditions wouldnt have survived and even my friend Helen who was only 49 died of it in 2008!  I didnt say that to be all doom and gloomy or  feel sorry for myself  cos I actually dont but it does put things into perspective sometimes and I for one need to be reminded from time to time.  Im also very lucky to be having my own 'must have' fashion accessory hehehehe, about £20,000 plus worth of equipment in my body lol!